So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
