So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
