I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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