you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
