Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
