Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
