i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dicks are not precious.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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