how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
