i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We are two peas in an std pod
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
