I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
