I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize