To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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