finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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