so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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