the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
