bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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