Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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