I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
