You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
