boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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