Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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