Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
