like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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