If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
