What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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