Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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