three words: i give head
three words: not that well
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
