I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
