no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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