I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
