woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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