you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
