im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
