Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
