If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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