I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Vodka?
Forever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
