He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
