who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
