I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
