you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
