wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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