I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
