It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
