I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
