i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
