i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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