The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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