so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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