If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
