he thought i was a dude.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This house was built for laser tag.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
