i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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