Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize