pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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