I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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