woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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