I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
