I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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