I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
