yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
false alarm, still single
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