It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
