I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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