I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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