I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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