Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
