I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
