Just cropdusted the office
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
