dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
