You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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