its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
