Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize