ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
