I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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